I started writing this in the notes but it’s big so it’s going here. Like, I’m really all for semantics in arguments or language where it is important or serves a purpose, but seriously, relationship status does not necessarily equal personal identity, and I don’t see why it needs to or why those things can’t be described as what they are rather than needing to be tied together? Like I think there is a lot of value in separating out those concepts because being bi and in a ‘straight’ relationship is a seriously different experience to being bi and in a ‘gay’/’queer’ relationship, and at the same time who you are dating still does not change your sexuality so why does your identity need to be subsumed into the gender label of your relationship?
Like, my relationships do not have to mirror or explain or embody my whole sexual identity all the time, I am still me no matter who or how I’m dating. My relationship can be straight or queer or whatever else and that doesn’t alter or discount my bisexuality/queerness, and to me if anything trying to conflate identity and relationship status seems more in line with stereotypes of bisexual people as confused swingers than just calling a relationship arrangement by its usual label!
I really just don’t see the point in summating the two into the same label, like where does this level of semantics even lead to? And like what happens if one person is straight and the other is bi, what is my relationship then, does it still NEED to be called bisexual to affirm one person’s bisexuality? And really if my (bi)sexuality and my relationship status have to be the same then does that mean my sexual identity is inextricably tied to my relationships rather than my feelings of self? Where does that lead? And where does that leave us when we try to talk amongst ourselves about the differences in experience between being in ‘straight’ relationships versus being in queer ones? Like I just what even with this whole train of thought.
This is so important to me, because I’m tired of people accusing me of denying my queerness because I have dated men in the past. Like?? That’s not how sexuality works, and certainly not mine. It’s so hurtful to be rejected from my own community because I do not adhere to neat boxes of sexual identity. Life is messy. My sexual identity is not always something I feel confident about; I accept who I am, but I still do not ever speak of it, or showcase it. And because of that insecurity, people think I’m denying it or being ashamed of it, so when I am with a man, they decide for me that I’m rejecting a part of myself. I’m not. It’s unfair and hurtful to assume so. I’m with who I am with (which is currently, no one, since I’m living a more halal life now, insha’Allah) but even then, there is a hypocritical judgment that goes on in the LGBTQA community that goes unspoken, especially for bisexuals (which, I am not, but still)
Idk, it’s late and I’m not eloquent. But I massively appreciate this, so thank you OP